she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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