we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
