i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
