i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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