How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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