is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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