Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
