I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
