So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
