I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
