Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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