He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
