he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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