There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
