That's when you crack a 10am beer
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
