I have demons in me.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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