$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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