Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
