I am in a vortex of obligation.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
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