At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize