I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
