I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
