Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
