why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Welp...herpes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
