Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
