Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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