I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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