i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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