I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
