Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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