He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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