pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
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I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
this hospital has no fireball
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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