Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
