now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
tell me about the fingering
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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