i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
