operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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