in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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