My liver just broke up with me...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
