What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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