Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
