Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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