I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
