let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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