As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
