So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
