woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
