I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
