you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
