just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
