I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
