My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
