We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
