You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need to calm my uterus...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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