Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
