We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
