how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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