he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
