it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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