Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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