just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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