I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
