Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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