I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
