people are starting to question the shark bite story
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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