He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
