he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
