This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
