my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
