She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
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I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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