so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just invented taco cereal.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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