Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
