Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
