My room smells like vodka and shame
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
