Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
