my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
