I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Everyone says I win the strip club
i think my cat just said my name.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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