my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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