btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
