I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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