If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
