I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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