My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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